ELFQUEST
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Aldar

Whew here as well. Finally read this, and I'm actually getting into it already. I really like the way you write, and how you're dealing with the story. I feel like this is one story I'll actually be enjoying for quite a while. Many fics here start out well, and then make strange turns, often making the main characters into something they weren't before. (And I'm not talking about simple personal growth here.) This, however, shows plenty of promise. I mean, Winnowill breast-feeding Rayek! Surprised What a concept, what a delightfully twisted little web you're spinning! I really wonder what she's planning to do with the poor child. (And I hope this wasn't all we heard of Tyldak...)

What a sad ending for Jarrah, whom I got to like in the prologue. I knew she would die, of course, but I'm glad you shared her end (or remains, really) with us. I've been told I'm one for dark stories, but the feasting bear was a nice detail nonetheless. Also, Aroree's view on humans (they're so fragile and live so shortly that they almost don't matter) is another great detail. It's completely natural for her to think this way, but it shows how Blue Mountain's superiority, like:
[quote:033a2d5cf4="Sofia"]"Death was something no elf should have to experience. Oh how wise Lord Voll had been to shelter them in Blue Mountain, how wise!"[/quote:033a2d5cf4]

I wonder why you decided to name Aroree's bondhawk Cloudbrusher instead of Littletrill, though. Not that I mind - and I know this takes place 600 years before she was bonded to him in the real Elfquest, but if Rayek can be raised by Gliders, then it wouldn't have bugged me if you decided to have Littletrill being born a little prematurely... Grin Anywho, it doesn't matter much.

The sending thing I wouldn't know much about, so I'll leave that for someone else, but it did kind of seem a little unnecessarily complicated. However, if it's to be explained in-story as well, I'll shut up until then. Wink

Seeing how much I like this so far, I might get painfully honest later on if there's something I disagree with. It's your story, yes, yes, but I hope you treat this well. Wink