Good point, Muriel. I think you explained what I was trying to say very well. I mean, no one really criticizes Rainsong, but is she really admired?
But I think the main reason Kahvi is so criticized is the same reason Rayek is criticized-- because she has a lot of faults. And if positive traits are in reality neither masculine nor feminine, neither are negative ones.
Kahvi engineered the attempted theft of the Little Palace; she wanted to abduct Cutter's cocoon; she permitted her Go-Back warriors in the First War for the Palace to find amusement by hacking trolls to pieces, not content with simply putting them to death. In other words, she exhibits a lot of negative behaviors that her admirable courage and strength just don't make up for.
The same can be said for Rayek-- but the difference, for me, is that Rayek has shown a depth of real remorse that I have never seen in Kahvi.