I agree with pretty much everything you said, Lunakat-- so I won't go on further about it. :)
Except that I will always maintain that Rayek was not in his right mind when he destroyed the Go-Back lodge. He was, in a sense, drunk at the time. That's why everyone went so leniently with him.
The fact that, when he came to his senses, Rayek didn't strike his forehead and say, "What have I done?" I attribute to his pride. He may have felt that-- but I think he resisted even those feelings. Rayek had gotten himself long before into a mindset where he believed his actions were right simply because they were his. My father is like this, incidentally, so while I don't like it, I do understand it.
As for the Venka thing-- that makes sense. A thousand pities that Kahvi could neither understand nor appreciate how much fatherhood meant to Rayek (or how appalling he would find it that she showed no grief for the "dead" infant), but, as has been said, that's Kahvi. But it does add to the reasons why I am certain they are not suited to one another as a couple.