Well, if I'm not stuck with you, I should be able to find something of at least average size.
You've the rules of dating all mixed. Probably due to extreme inexperience. See, I'm the girl- I shouldn't have to pay. Maybe if you'd ever taken a girl on a date in your life, you would understand. Tragically, no girl you've asked out has ever said 'yes.'
Rumor has it, it's your looks. Your looks, or, well... your pencil. I personally just think it's because you are so cheap. How do I know how cheap you are? I've seen you in action!
You are so cheap... you try to wash your paper plates. You're so cheap, I saw you try to use old candy wrappers to wrap your xmas gifts. (They were re-gifts.) You are so cheap, you put Scrooge to shame.