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Battlefield: Yo Mama!

TrollHammer

Team Yo Mama insults go here...

Trollbabe

Yo' Mama's so ugly, she broke the airport scanner!

TrollHammer

Lol!
Yo mamas so stupid she makes me look smart!

Hey, waitaminute.

Trollbabe

Yo' Mama's so stupid, she thinks she's Yoyo Ma.

TrollHammer

Yo Troll-mama's so green i cant tell whats more gross, her or the moldy bread she's eatin'!

Trollbabe

Yo Mama's so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

TrollHammer

That may be, but yo mama sits on the floor and watches my mom watch the couch.

Trollbabe

Yo mama's so fat, she got on a talking scale and it said "One at a time, please!"

cometduster

Yo mama's so smelly the garbage man took her instead of the garbage.

lunakat

Well yo mama's so smelly, the garbage man took one whiff and called FEMA.



They tried to quarantine her, but yo mama's so huge, she occupies two zip codes.













(this is awesome!)

TrollHammer

Yo mama's teeth so yella, I cant believe its not butta!

(Slipped my mind that this would be right up your alley)

lunakat

Quote:


(Slipped my mind that this would be right up your alley)





What???



Well your mama's so greasy, she's listed as an ingredient in Crisco!

TrollHammer

Yo mamas so dumb and ugly her forehead is a three, almost a two and a half, the same as her IQ.

Trollbabe

Yo mama's so mean, she makes Madcoil cry.

TrollHammer

Yo mama....

Is Winnowil's ugly, evil twin sister.

Winnie got the brains and the looks,

you mama got the evil... She's that bad, but too dumb to do anything about it.

Yo mama's so ugly, Winnowil created the hell-hounds as a roll model for you to look up to. She twisted the other creatures just to try and get the image of yo mama out of her mind...

Yo mama's so ugly, she's the real reason Winnowil went mad.

Trollbabe

Yo' mama's so old and ugly, they got Mubabrak to resign by convincing him that she was the mummy of Ramses II seeking revenge.

TrollHammer

Yo mama's so old and crusty-ugly she turned medusa to stone by looking at her...

Yo mama's so fat, she sat down at the foot of Yaggdrasil, leaned back to take a nap and snapped it off like a dead sapling.

Yo mama's so loathsome, Odysious came back to life just to drag her onto his ship as it burned at sea.

Trollbabe

Yo mama's so old and fat, she's registered as a historical landmark.

TrollHammer

Yo mama's the standard by which all skunks are judged...

Trollbabe

Yo mama failed those standards cuz she smells too bad.

Trollbabe

Yo Mama's so fat, Rayek thought she was the Palace, and got a hernia trying to make her fly.



Yo Mama's so hairy, Wolfrider children try to bond with her.



Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Wolverine is a mouthwash for wolves.

Trollbabe

Yo' mama's so mean, she brought YOU into the world!



Yo' mama's so fat, you had to be delivered by C, D, E, F and G section.

TrollHammer

Yo mama's so big she jumped into the air and got stuck.

Trollbabe

Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks "vice versa" means dirty poetry.



Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street in tight gray pants, drivers say, "Finally, a parking deck!"



Yo mama smells so bad she makes garlic wilt.

Trollbabe

Yo mama's so dumb, I saw her in the produce department, trying to text on a box of blackberries.

lunakat

I finally found this again!

Your mama's so dumb, she took her verizon blackberry, tossed it on some cereal and poured milk over it. Then she asked when blackberries got so crunchy.

Trollbabe

Yo Mama's so ugly, Ekuar grew his other leg back just so he could run away from her!

lunakat

Well your mama's so ugly- she's the reason Trolls are afraid to come above ground.

TrollHammer

You mama's so nasty, she asked for Two-Edge's father's remains after Winnie melted him, and it wasnt for burial...

lunakat

yo mama's so wrong, just looking at her makes Two Edge feel better about himself.

yo mama's so twisted, just the thought of her drove him right back insane again.

TrollHammer

You mam's so fat she uses a hula hoop.to keep her pants.up.

lunakat

Yo mama's so fat she doesn't even wear pants! She just went to circus vargas and bought herself a tent.

In fact, yo mama's so damned big that, while she was there, she asked them to hire her as a sideshow act... but the Ring Master said no-- he said she'd intimidate the elephants.

lunakat

Quote:


Yo mama's the standard by which all skunks are judged...





oooo- snap!

TrollHammer

Yo mama so big she couldnt find a tent large enough, so she tried body paint...



The store didn't carry enough barn paint in one color, so she had to do each arm and leg in a different color.



Yo mama is still waiting for the delivery... the paint's on back order from the factory....



Yo mama so huge she intimidates Madea.



Yo mama was almost a movie star.... They screened her for Jurrasic park as the brontosaurus, but they didn't want to make it that bad of a horror movie.

lunakat

Yo mama went to an audition for that same movie earlier in the day. But she didn't get the part she tried out for either. Know why? Yo mama's so big, fat and hungry... while she was there, she ate the brontosaurus.

TrollHammer

Yo mama's so bald that when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.

lunakat

Yo mama's so flat, wide and spongy, when she goes to bed, she gets mistaken for the mattress.

TrollHammer

Yo mamas beard is so long and thick, she braids it and rents herself out as a tow truck.

lunakat

The nice thing about yo mama's mole is that it covers the top her bald head so that if she forgets her wig, she can just tell everyone she's wearing a hat. Even better... she can comb over those long, squiggly hairs growing from it and just pretend it's a natural thing.

Heck, if only your mama's hump weren't so big, she might even look normal.

But... your mama's hump is so big, her neighbor looked up the other day and asked when they carved you mama's face into Mount Rushmore.

TrollHammer

Yeah, well the neighbors caught yo mama laying on a lawn chair in a bikini, and asked when you were having them over... She was passed out drunk at the time and hadnt noticed when it rained. The neighbors took a look at her belly button and thought it was an in ground pool.

lunakat

Funny you should tell that story. Your neighbors told me your backyard pool was created when yo mama fell asleep out on the lawn one afternoon, and the weight of her sank a giant ditch. They said, after the firemen lifted her out with a crane, there was nothing to do but line that hole and turn it into an olympic sized pool.

They say the neighborhood loves that pool! Everyone but yo mama can fit in it! The hole was just yo mama's size, but after you tiled it, she lost that extra quarter inch of space... which is just as well, cus if yo mama was to jump in that pool, you'd have no room for water!

lunakat

One of the greatest yo mama jokes of all time:

http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DKIeq4i-us8I

lunakat

I would sign in to watch it, but I'm too distracted by some amazing news. Scientists finally know what caused that tidal wave in Japan.

It wasn't an earthquake!

Yo mama couldn't fit in her own bathtub, so she decided to wade into the ocean to bathe. The ripple effects were huge.

Trollbabe

You know where Captain America got his shield? Yo' fat mama sat on a quarter!

lunakat

You know what he had to use it for? To ward off yo mama's stanky breath!

TrollHammer

Saw yo mama as I was driving through down town. She was on the street corner, with a "FREE" sign.

lunakat

That's true. My mama's liberated. But yo mama's just plain cheap!

TrollHammer

What's the differance between you mama and a drug dealer?



Yo mama can wash her crack and sell it again!

lunakat

At least my mama can wash her crack. Your mama has to wait for rain, cus hers is bigger than the crack of dawn.

Trollbabe

Yo mama copied her makeup and from Madam Kabala - AFTER the Red Death!

TrollHammer

Looks to me that yo mama's so big you live on her, cause she's mistaken for the contenent of antartica. But, hey, you're so poor its the only way you can find some place to live, only $0.50 a night, same rate as yo mama charges all the sailors.

lunakat

Yeah, you're one to talk! Yo mama's so stupid she think's taco bell is a Mexican phone company.

TrollHammer

Yo mama works for the auto glass company, she walks down the street talking to her self and the sound of her voice shatters every single car window she passes!

The yo mama got a job working for the CIA. They pair her with an agent and it breaks every survalence camera in range.

RichardPini

Yo mama staggers in this morning after a night of hookin', and says to her pimp, "Long damn night - I made $100.25."

Pimp says, "One hundred dollars and twenty five cents?! Who da hell give you the twenty five cents?"

Yo mama says, "Every last one of them johns!"

TrollHammer

TrollHammer

Yo mama makes the Bone Woman seem breathtakingly beautiful, in comparison.

lunakat

Dang! i thought yo mama was a caveman!

lunakat

Quote:


Yo mama staggers in this morning after a night of hookin', and says to her pimp, "Long damn night - I made $100.25."



Pimp says, "One hundred dollars and twenty five cents?! Who da hell give you the twenty five cents?"



Yo mama says, "Every last one of them johns!"





ooo- snap!



Well at least someone's mama's making money. Yo mama's so cheap, she thought a quarterback was change!

TrollHammer

Yo mama's so fat, you put a picture of her on the wall and it fell off, taking the hook with it.

lunakat

I heard yo mama finally found a job making life-sized garden statues. Everything that looks at her turns to stone.

TrollHammer

Yo mama so cheap she couldnt afford to give you free lunch at a public school.

They tried to give you a PB&J sandwich, but she said,"hey, now, dont be spoiling my kid, you're setting the bar too high!"

She's so lazy she wouldnt let you set your alarm for the bus, saying it would hurt her "beauty" sleep.

I dunno though, yo mama's so ugly you must have put a fog horn on that clock, in tandom with heavy artillery and one of the space shuttle.engines, cause no amount of beauty sleep could fix her arseface.

lunakat

Yo mama has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail.

TrollHammer

Yo mama has so many teeth missing her dentures have holes in them.

Trollbabe

Yo' Mama's so dumb, she thinks Chaz Bono is a Wavedancer who got kicked off "Dancing with the Starfish."



Yo' Mama's so fat, there aren't enough Preservers to wrap her up.



I saw five hundred protestors carrying signs saying "Occupy Yo' Mama." She's so fat, she could be the World AND Two Moons.

TrollHammer

I guess I should pay a complement where a complement is due.

Yo mama found someone caring enough (or more likely as dumb as she is) to employ her. Kudos to him!

I have to say, though, that it goes to prove her incompetence. There is no job security in "applying 'be kind, please rewind' labels", but I guess if thats all she's capable of and she's doing it, this wont have to be a 'so lazy' joke....

lunakat

Better than what happened to yo mama. I heard she went to a job interview... they took one look at her- then just paid her a plain, flat fee to leave and never come back.

Trollbabe

Yo Mama's so ugly, she has to wear a Halloween monster mask so she won't scare the kids away. She's so cheap, she gives out fake internet coupons for candy.



Sarah Palin went moose hunting, saw yo mama, and shot herself!



Yo mama's so fat, they won't let her use the express checkout, because she looks like she's carrying fifty items when she only has one.

lunakat

Speaking of candy... I heard your mama went as herself for halloween. Scariest costume on the block!

TrollHammer

Trollbabe, Yo mama wont FIT through the express checkout. She came in so often, They had to widen the handicapped lane for her to lean into and set her five cartons of cigarettes, two gallons of ice cream, and a box of pillows (one week a month), then she rolls to the other side to pick her stuff up. they are considering putting in a drive through for her to keep her from bugging the other patrons, as several have slipped in the puddles of drool.

They have a name for yo mama in Scottland, Luna... Nessie! Big, Ugly, and the only pictures that ever come out are grainy and hard to make out ( thank goodness). They are planning on draining the Loche..., not because they want to find her, but to try and keep her from bathing there!

lunakat

Newsflash! Scientists recently discovered that 'dark matter' is, in fact, just the crusty gunk between yo mama's butt cheeks.

Tho tragically Trollhammer- when yo mama bent over to give researchers a look, she unleashed a black hole that sucked in the whole Andromeda galaxy... not to mention, put an abrupt and pretty horrifying end to their careers.

TrollHammer

Yo mama hasnt washed her own black hole. Ever. Not one wipe, a trickle of water, nothing, since the day yo gramma stopped changin her. Youd think that at some point it would flake off or something but yo mama so sweaty it never has a chance to dry. Yo mama so hairy, though, its like she has a cross.between a sponge and a brillo pad for it to cling to...

Oh, wait, sorry. I thought she was bendin over. I didnt realize that she was that short. That must be her beard caked with KFC an chocolate cake.... In a way I hope so, just keep yo mama at least far enough away I cant smell her. Its bad enough to look at her.

lunakat

That's not my momma, TH. That's yo mamma... looking in a mirror.

lunakat

Speaking of black holes... nothing escapes the crushing gravity of yo fat momma. Not the speed of light... not time or space... nothing.

TrollHammer

Yo mama should know, she does the cookin for all the mamas. She thinks it's a drinking contest though: she eats bite for bite what everyone else eats and then eats a full meal on top of it three or four times a day. Where does that put her? Fatter than all our mamas put together!

Trollbabe

They didn't have to drain the Loche. Yo mama jumped into it and displaced all the water.

TrollHammer

I think there might have been a word that discribes how horribly wretched yo mama is, but it was in an obscure language made up by a village idiot in India six thousand years ago. As soon as he uttered it, it occured to him on some dim level that he shouldnt have said it, when he thought about the word it killed him, thus ending all possibility of discribing all that is Yo Mama.

And mankind was saved, until she was born. We are living on barrowed time.

lunakat

Whereas yo mama can be summed up in two letters.

Ho

TrollHammer

True, yo mama takes five, but you get to pick em:

Whore
ho bag
tramp
idiot
moron
trash

the list goes on. Notice 'bitch' isnt on the list describing yo mama. It would be a complement. As it is these other words were nearing complement level for her.

Trollbabe

Yo' mama's so dumb, she never taught you the difference between "to complement" and "a compliment."



Yo' mama's so old and fat, the Greeks invented the ampitheater by stacking blocks around her big fat rear end.

TrollHammer

Yo mama's so.fat she's the reason part of the colusium fell down: she bought an upper row seat.

They told her to leave though. Shes so ugly the lions wouldnt attack the gladiators due to confusion: they didnt know if they should attack yo mama or run away in fear, totally distracting them from what they were supposed to be there for.

lunakat


Look! It's the perfect answer!

TrollHammer







Ok, that gets a LOL and a half, almost a rofl.



You mama so slow, it too her nine months to have you.



Nine months of labor, that is, after her pimp knocked her up a couple years before.



She so huge she didnt even know she was pregant, just thought it was all the crack messin with her.



When you finally plopped out on the floor, you got her revenge and her first.notice when you tripped her with your cord. Yo mama so stupid you were born smarter than she'll ever be. It was the only way to get.her attention.

lunakat

Your mama never taught you how to spell "took"



(thank you!)

TrollHammer

Yo mama so dumb, she couldnt teach you how to have a decent comeback. Instead all you have is nitpicking typos.

I guess I shouldnt reaf on you too much. Its not your fault yo mama realized she was a worthleass excuse for a pile of cellulite, and tried to whip you into some sort of perfectionisr, so she could hopefully live vicariously through you.

TrollHammer

Yo mama so dumb, someone told her she was dim witted and she went shopping for light bulbs.

Trollbabe

Yo mama's so old and wrinkled, she's on a skin donor registry.

TrollHammer

Yo mama's got so much liver-spot in her skin she doesnt have to worry about how much she drinks. Your daddy commiserates with her in their failure of a daughter, by bring her Gin Blossoms.

Dissed the whole family.

Trollbabe

I don't think they would mind, seeing as how they are both dead.



Yo' Mama's so old, she led "Occupy Atlantis." It sunk from the wait of her big fat tushie.

TrollHammer

Thats ok. Yo mama sank the titanic. They didnt realize that 90% of her was underwater, but historians are still scratching thier heads trying to figure out how they didnt see the remaining 10%... that big and ghostly white should have gained their attention. But alas, for whatever reason they scraped passed her big toe, tearing a hole in the ship...

It wasnt the weight of the back end that broke the titanic in half... Yo mama mistook it for a hostess cupcake and tried to grab it.

All those poor people died because yo mama decided she wanted to try out for the polar bear club. They reminded her that it was the polar BEAR club, not blue whale...

Trollbabe

Yo' Mama needs help with those new compact flourescent lightbulbs. She keeps trying to screw the glass end into the socket.

TrollHammer

Well, it's an innocent mistake, compared to yo mama trying to screw the light bulb...

lunakat

Not so innocent when you consider that yo mama was trying to screw the glass end into her empty, left eye-socket as part of a lewd sex act in a carny strip club.

Yo craaazzzy mama.

Tell her to keep that eyepatch on! And her panties too!

TrollHammer

Lemmy know when yo mama gets out of jail for multiple counts of disturbing the peace:



Snoring and keeping the neighborhood awake all night...

Wearing nothing but a pair of eyepatches "for giggles"...

Drooling enough to flood the city park (those poor little dogs nearly drowned)...

Smelling bad enough to get the Sewage Treatment Plant sued for people losing property value...

Wearing stripes on the beach and pretending to be a beach ball (there were children present!)...

Being so broke the homless give her money just to get off their corner...

Being so fat she was actually on the other side of the road when the homless felt threatened...

And various other crimes against the community.

lunakat

When you are done talking to yourself in the mirror... you might want to add this to the list:

Yo mama is so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Say... didn't yo daddy meet you mama at the pound? He went in looking for a dog, and walked out with her. Nine months later... he realized it wasn't a dog he brought home!

TrollHammer

Huh? is the 'nine months'/'dad with the dog' referance another one of those fruedian slips you have a tendancy for, parroting life experience from your youth?



I thought yo mama was so hideous she forgoed the ski mask, and robbed a sperm bank to make you. I can't even see how a male of any species could be drunk enough to knock up your mama.

lunakat

Quote:


Huh? is the 'nine months'/'dad with the dog' referance another one of those fruedian slips you have a tendancy for, parroting life experience from your youth?


Yes. I have ptsd from the day I accidentally saw your dad with yo mama.



Quote:
I thought yo mama was so hideous she forgoed the ski mask, and robbed a sperm bank to make you. I can't even see how a male of any species could be drunk enough to knock up your mama.





I guess you must have inherited yo mama's squinty, blind eyes.

TrollHammer

Quote:




Yes. I have ptsd from the day I accidentally saw your dad with yo mama.



Just goes to show how old you must be, and how much older yo mama is?

Quote:


I guess you must have inherited yo mama's squinty, blind eyes.



Fortunately... Id hate to imagine what would have happened to me if I had gotten the full effect. The thought og medusa comes to mind... of course it didnt seem like I was having a problem seeing before seeing yo mama.



I could sue... Id have a case, but the jurors would all go blind as well if I called yo mama for questioning.

lunakat

Quote:
Just goes to show how old you must be, and how much older yo mama is?

Why? Are you guys both ancient? I saw yo mama and daddy just yesterday.. in a home video on youtube.

That story about the nine months, and coming home with a dog... was made by your daddy in the comments section.

Quote:
Fortunately... Id hate to imagine what would have happened to me if I had gotten the full effect. The thought og medusa comes to mind... of course it didnt seem like I was having a problem seeing before seeing yo mama.
I could sue... Id have a case, but the jurors would all go blind as well if I called yo mama for questioning.

I'm just glad that scene of yo mamma and daddy going at it was filtered through a low-res youtube video. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure the sight of yo mama in that position would turn anyone watching to stone.

TrollHammer

Quote:




Why? Are you guys both ancient? I saw yo mama and daddy just yesterday.. in a home video on youtube.



That story about the nine months, and coming home with a dog... was made by your daddy in the comments section.





I'm just glad that scene of yo mamma and daddy going at it was filtered through a low-res youtube video. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure the sight of yo mama in that position would turn anyone watching to stone.





Wow, nice defensive backpedal... Yo mama teach you that?



Of course she should know plenty about "backs"... She has spent enough time on hers she has bed sores... On both sides, and in every roll of fat.

lunakat

Quote:


Wow, nice defensive backpedal... Yo mama teach you that?





Pot. Kettle. Black.





Yo mama's is so fat, she wore guess jeans and the answer popped out

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