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ComedyQuest: Journey to Sorrow's End

Faerie_Speak

So! Here is the sequel, and I have the third one saved on a USB drive at work, so I can re-post my attempts at comedy.

Previous:
ComedyQuest 1


Onto the fun!

Journey to Sorrow’s End, aka Someone Fire the Publicist, We’re going to Have to Cross the Freaking Desert.

Human Readers: *picks up second Marvel reprint issue* Ah! ”˜Sorrow’s End’! Looks like it’s smooth sailing for the elves from now on!

The Pinis: ...Er”¦

Human Readers: Really, how much worse can it get? Not much beats almost burning to death.

Skywise: Just wait till you see Old Maggoty without her garter support on.

Narrator: We didn’t have to go there. *ahem!* The Cavern of the Trolls!

Trollbabe: *cheer!*

Narrator: And only the Trolls’ dank, underground kingdom is safe from the smoke and fire of the burning forest, set ablaze by superstitious humans.

Skywise: Yeah. Thanks for that.

Dead!Shaman: No prob! *waves from a distinctly burning afterlife*

Wolfriders: *in the underground troll caverns””there goes the neighborhood.*

Cutter: My sire never mentioned all this in his tales”¦ *pokes a troll*

Picknose: *has been tied up by creatures half his size and half his weight* *snarl* You cursed beat-eared whelps! Curse you all, just go freaking die, k thnx bai.

Cutter: *frowns* Shut it, Picky, or you’ll find a spear in your back. *pokes a troll again*
Trollbabe: Booo”¦

Picknose: *pwned* Whatever”¦ But you’ll PAY for this! Mark me, you will pay!

Skywise: Plot point! Uh, again.

Moonshade: *rummages through a lather pouch* Sorry, we left the MasterHolt car back at Father Tree.

One-Eye: ..Ever get the feeling you were being watched?

Human Readers: *..blinks and slowly puts down the comic*

One-Eye: No, no, not that.

Picknose: Too late now, elf, you have to deal with”¦. HIM!

Human Readers: *recoil and peeks at what surely will be a horrible monster”¦!!*

Greymung: *burps*

Human Readers: Ew.

Baby!Dart: ”¦ I really hope this isn’t my first memory.

Greymung: *suddenly surrounded by wolves and elves! OMG!* Unthinkable! Picknose, you miserable whelp! This is how you defend your lovable, cuddly king!?

Picknose: Uh, dude, see those axes and the wolves? Yeah. I’m not about to tell them they can’t do bupkiss.

Cutter: *eye roll* Relax. As nice as fetid air and troll feet smell, we won’t be staying long. We came here to escape the flames.

Blazing Forest: *waves* Hiyas!

Cutter: See?

Greymung: *splutters*

Skywise: *smirks at Picknose””translation: I am entirely hotter than you.*

Picknose: *gnash* Stupid freaking”¦ if I had dimples like that, I’d be cute too”¦

Greymung: No! We know your thieving ways, elf! You’ll rob us blind!

Cutter: Uh”¦ no. Batdung is kind of last season, you know, and you can keep the toadstools too. Seriously, we just want to escape the flames.

Greymung: Pfft. Doesn’t give you the right to barge in here.

Cutter: Maybe not *munches a mushroom* But, you have more than you can ever use. Come on. When have we ever cheated you?

Skywise: Exactly! When have we ever cheated you in a trade? We give you the best pelts for metals.

Nightfall: *by a death-warmed-over Redlance* And when one of your people has been ill, we’ve always helped without asking anything in return.

Human Readers (mostly male): *takes prime opportunity to ogle Nightfall’s curvaceous glory*

Woodlock: And when you went though that messy divorce, didn’t Strongbow make sure the pre-nup was still intact and held up in a court of law?

Strongbow: ”¦ -_-”˜

Picknose: Bah. You only do those things because you totally idolize us. You need us more than we need you!

Cutter: Oh, really now? Fair enough, we’ll see how great you do when the white cold comes around and you have no food.

Picknose: *sticks his tongue out* Nya! We’ll survive on our own sense of self-worth.

Human Readers: The huge gut they’ve acquired probably doesn’t hurt either”¦

Skywise: Cutter! Come see the forges, they totally rock!

Big Lodestone: *makes Skywise’s metals cling to it*

Skywise: Woah! It’s not letting me go”¦ gee, this usually only happens with the ladies.

Greymung: Don’t touch it! It’s special, from the stars themselves, and no way would a stupid elf like you want anything to do with it.

Skywise: ”¦You don’t read too much, do you, Greymung?

Cutter: Hooked on phonics didn’t work for him. Really Skywise, let’s go. A magic rock won’t help us find a new holt.

Greymung: *backhands an elf* Whelp! I said no!

Skywise: But it likes me better than it likes you! *rubs his sore”¦ well, his sore ”“everything- (freaking big troll)

Trollbabe: We’re much less violent now that we have our own union.

Cutter: *growls long and low* Grrrrrrreymung! You muck eating son-of-a-human!

Human Readers: O.O! Oh sh*t, he is all shades of pissed off!

Old School Fans: Yeah, it’s best not to touch him at the moment.

Greymung: *wets himself*

Dead!Shaman: *sighs* Been there. Done that.

Greymung: S-stay b-back, elf”¦ I am k-k-king here”¦.

Cutter: *lunges with New Moon drawn!*

Greymung: *screams like a little girl*

Pride of every troll: *takes a beating* Ouch. Our king sounds like Pat Benatar.

Cutter: *bashes off a shard* Here, Skywise! The king presents you with a gift.

Cutter Fans: *dreamily sighs and cheer*

Greymung: *whimper*

Skywise: This is cooler than my mood ring.

Cutter: And you! *grips Greymung* Your subjects care nothing for you! You’re lucky I care only of finding a new holt.

Greymung: Ahem! Well, -why- didn’t you say so? Let’s put that very sharp and very deadly sword away””and quickly””and I’ll have someone lead you to a lovely new green growing place right away.

Cutter: Crazy green troll say what?

Greymung: Oh yes! Growing and fresh and no humans at all! I’d live there myself, but you know, my trick knee”¦. Picknose! Escort this brave and noble chief and his tribe to the Tunnel of Golden Light!

Picknose: What? But that leads to the wastelands and they’d never make it””oof.

Greymung: Never make a better deal than this! What do ya say?

Cutter: Well”¦ I dunno, what do you all say?

Dewshine: Oh Cutter, let’s do it, it’ll be fantastic!

Treestump: What else do we have to lose?

Skywise: Plus if we don’t, it’ll be a really short-lived comic series.

Cutter: All right! To this Tunnel!

Narrator: Time passes slowly, though spirits are high, and sometimes gives way to song.

Cutter: Kumbiya, Kumbiya”¦

Picknose: Shoot. Me. Now.

Wolfriders: *snickers*

Narrator: Suddenly!

Skywise: Light! I see the light!

Tangina: Come to the light, Carol-Anne. Carol-Anne”¦! *beckons Cutter*

Cutter: Wrong four-foot, blond and blue-eyed creature, lady.

Wolfriders: Woot! Green forest at last!

Picknose: No for long; so long, suckers! *presses a hidden button*

Rocks: *tumble down*

Elves and wolves: No f*cking way!

Desert: *glaringly bright* Howdy! Welcome to hell. Population: seventeen elves, fourteen wolves.

Human Readers: *are thanking God at least this time, it wasn’t humans who screwed the elves over.*

Skywise: Ahem. *hands them Hidden Years #5* Pages ten through eighteen. There ya go.

Cutter: *massive amount o’guilt* Where do we go now”¦?

Skywise: Well, I have this idea, using the lodestone, and I think, if we head due sun-goes-down, we’ll find this village and---

Narrator: *interrupts* Stay tuned for this exciting conclusion!

Wolfriders: -_-

G0lden

That's so funny. :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: You got to have more than 3 installments. Grin This is simply to funny for just 3 parts. Grin

faeriegirl

totally second what G0lden said! Grin :rofl: :mrgreen:

RedheadEmber

[color=red:0dcd6d7a61]I'll third that! Grin

And... look...[/color:0dcd6d7a61]

[quote:0dcd6d7a61]Trollbabe: *cheer!*[/quote:0dcd6d7a61]

[color=red:0dcd6d7a61]Trollbabe... you're a... fanfiction... star! 8) [/color:0dcd6d7a61]

faeriegirl

[quote:e1ffc2d546="Redhead Ember"][color=red:e1ffc2d546]I'll third that! Grin

And... look...[/color:e1ffc2d546]

[quote:e1ffc2d546]Trollbabe: *cheer!*[/quote:e1ffc2d546]

[color=red:e1ffc2d546]Trollbabe... you're a... fanfiction... star! 8) [/color:e1ffc2d546][/quote:e1ffc2d546]
me wanna be too! what do I have to do? :P

G0lden

We need a total of 20 installments. :D One for each book. :D You simply can't let something this funny to be only a couple of installments. :thumbsup: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

faeriegirl

only 20? we need to have it for every single issue ever published! :P :D

RedheadEmber

[color=red:a5c675c1e2]Ex[i:a5c675c1e2]act[/i:a5c675c1e2]ly! :D [/color:a5c675c1e2]

G0lden

Okay, lets try for the entire series. :D What can we do. Of course you do realize that The Kings of the Broken Wheel is so sad, you may not be able to make up your mind to laugh or cry. :D

faeriegirl

nah, the Human Reader/Old School Fans/whoever comments will make it fine to bear... :)

G0lden

This is true, very true. :D

KirthelastGo-Back

Faerie Speak, you should hire writers from Television Without Pity as consultants, so that your retellings can be even snarkier than they already are. Grin Good going, and keep this up!

faeriegirl

that's no 15minutes, thats 15seconds! And mucho hilarious too! Grin :rofl:

G0lden

Kindredsoul, thats hysterical. :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: Yup looks like nothing short of the entire to be written as ComedyQuest. :D

faeriegirl

BUMPing this one too!

...too bad that part3 doesn't work anymore... Unhappy

Trollbabe

I love fanfics when I'm in them!